Something really striking when talking with women who underwent caesareans is that they remember a particularly hurtfull comment from their entourage, sometimes even years later :

" You and your baby are fine, what more do you want ? "  

Even if the first few weeks of adjusting to the demands of this new life with baby inspire women to keep their true feelings to themselves, they know deep inside that something important happened to them. If the above comment hurts them, it is indeed because it rules out the mom's feelings and even cancels it. Women are often aware that a caesarean represents a " cut " in their life. They are hurt in their flesh and also in their being, whatever the reason for the caesarean was, things did not come to pass the natural way, their dream did not come true, their bruised bodies abandoned them.

Rationally, a caesarean can be considered as necessary and salutary, a relief from an exhausting, painful, inefficient, anxiety loaded labour. The body and mind can however feel revolted, hurt, disappointed, traumatised, bewildered, guilty, anxious, aching and so sad...To name but a few reactions, the exhaustive list of adjectives is as extensive as the experiences are different.

One could say that the failed woman needs to mourn a dream, a project. This way she will be able to go through different phases, shock, denial, guilt, anger, maybe even depression. It is a process which can make her feel discouraged and devoid of energy for a while, before finally reaching acceptance of what has hapenned and opening up to new prospects. This process is not a clear straight line, it requires time and energy. But it does acknowledge pain and allows for room to get over it. Perhaps this is the only way to be able to give birth once more in other circumstances.

Generally, a caesarean programed on medical ground is much easier to integrate to the mom's experience because it gives her time to psychologically prepare and adapt to the situation. This is however no garanty and the lack of information can generate a few surprises. Actually, mothers are often astonished how much they can feel the gestures and tummy manipulations carried out to extract the child.

It would be interesting to evaluate the experiences of women who chose to have a convenience caesarian, without medical grounds. Do they not feel some kind of obligation to feel positive about this freely chosen experience ? And how do they handle any dilemma in case of caesarean related complications for themselves and specially for their babies ?

During individual interviews or group therapy, it has been demonstrated that a woman tries to get a better understanding of what she has been trough when she is expecting again. Happy and painfull memories both resurface and push the woman /couple to get informed, try to understand and have a new aproach towards birthing this new baby into the world. Since pregnancy naturally implies some kind of psychological permeability ( hypersensitivity ), it is the proper time to work on oneself and prepare in a different manner, to be in touch with one's body, one's intuition, at the new birth. That is the time when most women change doctors and place of birth. Their questions are getting sharper and they want to be taken into consideration when decisions are beeing made. They pay a lot more attention to the respect they are being afforded and to how they are listened to, on their way.

To professionals of delivering, stepping out of the usual routine of observing a pregnancy or a delivery might mean a challenge to question themselves and give extra time but this will be so precious to the women /couples.